Summary of 2003

I thought I would do a review of my last year. I didn't start doing this blog until what August- and yet I have a good amount of entries. The people that read this have no idea what I have done in the last year- hell even my friends don't. Last year at this time I was deeply depressed- and I mean deeply. How can one year seem so long and so short all at the same time. If I had to make a checklist of highs and lows it would include:

*The engagement and marriage of my college friend- it was both high and low. Low because I didn't know what to think about the guy (still don't) and high because I had a great time at the wedding. Low because the wedding party invitation made this depressed body concious girl crazy and sick with dread, high because I really looked great at the wedding and felt great (probably the best three days of this year).

*Finding walking and then losing walking again- I had nothing to do all summer but tan and walk- it was wonderful. Unfortunately when I started my job- my comute and the season change made me stop doing it- which makes me sick thinking about it and flabby because of it.

*Messaging- I went on due to sheer boredom and that night met a really great person- who just happened to be a guy. It was a great couple of months- I felt so happy every time I talked to him- and then we met in person which was so comfortable the first time and so akward the second. I was so devastated when he didn't talk to me. I felt like a fool- a complete idiot. I look back at myself in August and September and I remember typing it, but I really have a hard time recalling the feeling. Life is way too short to just be waiting for someone or something.

*The birth of my niece- she's so cute and a really good baby. I am sure that I can maintain a great relationship with my second niece. I am so grateful that she is healthy and happy- and I just hope that she stays that way- at least until she's a teenager.

*The Iraq War- Depression and major upset in our country did not bode well for me. I just couldn't understand what was happening. One of the worst days of my year was when I was watching the Emmy's and Michael Moore made his speech- at that point I was so confused with emotions that I just lost it- and covered my head and cried. My parent's are pretty staunch Republicans so having my father question the move made me so shaken. And I would like to add that seeing a protest from the 60s on video is quite different than seeing one in modern day on CNN.

*My new job and the move- Thinking that if I had just done what I had planned and 'missed' my interview, what my life would be like now. I spent the majority of last year fooling not only my parents but myself that I was looking for a job. It wasn't because of being lazy, it was about being scared to death of life. I'm a cold feet type of girl- right before something big is going to happen to me- I'm ready to run and frozen in the spotlight at the same time. But it has worked out for me this last year. I've done a lot of things that scared me and I'm still alive.

*Chicago- and all that jazz- This year in entertainment is a highlight- because frankly that is what I am all about. I loved Chicago and Finding Nemo. I liked Love, Actually, and a handful of other movies. I read the Harry Potter book and some chick-lit books this year. I was a TV junkie- with tons of reality shows being my favorite (they always have- I'm a early Real World fan). Survivor was great, so was Amazing Race, and American Idol. But this year featured a lot of flash in the pan shows. I fell in lust with Sex and the City.

*The big 2-5. I am a quarter century old. It was a good birthday though. It was one of the first birthdays since I turned 20 that didn''t involve me crying.

Anyway- I wish you a Happy New Year

Merry Christmas!

I hope that you are all having a wonderful Christmas. I did. I'm at my parent's house and I already had my 'Christmas' at 8:30 PM on Christmas Eve. My family has a wonderful tradition of eating supper, getting bundled up and driving around looking at lights for about an hour while listening to Christmas music, and then heading back to my parents where Santa has already visited and opening our gifts. I got into Brookings at about 11- picked up both of my nieces and spent the day with them. The baby is so sweet- looks a lot like her sister did. She is so cute- and she is starting to smile in response to people (especially me). Babies are a lot of work- but damn I want one. I'm just so good with them, some people are really athletic, some really good with math- me, I entertain and take care of children really well. So I bopped around the house with both my nieces- because Samantha slept a lot I could spend a lot of time with Taylor. Anyway, this year is the last year for the gravy train of presents for my older niece- since the baby is so new she has already gotten a lot of stuff, so it was hard to 'spoil' her, and her sister Taylor had about half the presents under the tree. She is spoiled- rotten- and the sad part is that she is getting more tomorrow at home and at her other side of the family. Anyway- just had to talk about that. It just upsets me because she doesn't ever want to play with anything when she is around me- it just seems like a waste of good toys. Alright- I'll stop.

Anyway I got a good amount of stuff- stuff that you give women who are 25 and single- the 'wedding gifts' kind of stuff. A toaster, a crock pot. It's like they decided that they might as well give it to me now- because I might never get married. I kid....?...... I also got the first two seasons of Sex and the City and the best of Will Ferrell on SNL. I'm sure I got more- just having trouble thinking of what- oh yeah- my parents had already bought me a microwave.

I had to work for 12 hours on Monday- and 11 hours on Tuesday- so I got Wednesday off. Mind you that is working with children for that amount of time- not like sitting on my ass in front of a computer or something like that. So I of course have Christmas Day off- and it will surely be weird tomorrow because I have nothing to do- and I left my cat at home in SF- so I feel guilty and I'm missing her. I am cutting myself off from computer because I am babbling like a brook. I'm sure I'll talk more tomorrow.

The most wonderful time of the year?

Hey back home on a Friday night- listening to my Best of Sheryl Crow and just unwinding from a week of work. I needed to deposit my paycheck- still haven't gotten the paperwork done for electronic payment- so I still have to run up to Brookings and do it. I could pretend that I didn't come home last weekend, but that would make me a liar. I came home on Sunday- I got to see my niece's church Christmas pagent and watched the Survivor finale with my mom. It was a very satisfying finale- I wanted Sandra to win out of the last four. So when I woke up early on Sunday I saw the news about Saddam's capture. It is a little surreal- he just seemed to calm in the videos released. Madeline Albright said my thoughts exactly- she questioned if they(Bush's administration) were going to bring out Osama at the right time (as in for the re-election). I really don't want to believe it- but it is just too weird. Don't get me wrong I'm really glad- because he is a bad man- but anyway....

Another thing that I need to talk about is on World AIDS Day in early December I watched a documentary about the Orphans of AIDS in Africa. It was the saddest thing I have seen in a long time- I just couldn't stop- it makes you feel so helpless to see these young children go through the deaths of both parents and be all alone- because their grandparents are dead- their aunts and uncles are dead or dying- and most of their neighbors are in the same boat. It really is a terrible epidemic- and I have no idea how it can be stopped, and what I can do to help....

Anyway I came up to Brookings tonight not only to drop off my check, but I was going to go to a movie with my friend. But she just called me and cancelled- so now I have to find something to occupy my time. I could clean my parent's house- that is the good thing about living by myself- I like to have everything in order and luckily I don't have anyone else making a mess- just me and my cat. Sorry I have to go and curl into a ball and weep for my lonely cat loving self... maybe I'll chat more tomorrow

Back home again- not because I'm so lonely by myself- but I came up for my niece's birthday. My little baby is seven years old. Oh damn I'm old. So I'm back- I might try to make it a whole two weeks before I come back to Brookings. I am going to have to get used to being on my own. You know that's true when you come home-home and find you and your siblings names missing from the welcome sign outside the front door. Doesn't it make you all warm inside- as soon as the last one is out of the house they are trying to erase all evidence that we lived there.

Anyway- I got to see the baby and my big birthday girl. The baby is over six pounds now- so basically she's like a two-month old newborn. I'm glad that my biological clock isn't too loud right now- because I couldn't handle that for at least another couple of years. Well I probably could more than most people I know- but I don't want to. I wouldn't mind the whole husband thing first though.

I was looking through the old papers that my parents saved for me and came across an article that made me feel so much anger and disgust. A man raped his girlfriend and then made her watch him rape her 11-year-old daughter. He got life for being a habitual offender but was declaring cruel and unusual. The article was fairly graphic in describing what occurred- and it just makes me mad- mad at everyone even the victim/girlfriend. Why do women put themselves in that situation- and why do they put their kids in them? I really don't know what should be done to these monsters- but no more slapping them on the wrists and giving them chance after chance. I pray for that little girl who lost her innocence too early- it's not easy dealing with that ever but especially when you are a child.

So I'm going to head home here soon- because it is damn cold out tonight. My brother is coming up to stay over at my place. He'll probably just come over and watch the different cable channels that I have and eat all my food- but oh well!

Sleep.... Sleep... Where are you?

So tired- must not stay up very long and type this out or else I will drop on the keyboard. My early day of work went swimmingly. I then organized my apartment- and cleaned up any messes. I came up with a wonderful idea on Thursday night that my mom and dad (who told me of plans of coming up to SF on Friday night) would bring up my niece Taylor for a sleepover. So that's what happened- they brought Taylor over and we all went to the Parade of Lights. They went out dancing and we went to the Supercenter Wal-Mart that is near my house. We loaded up on all sorts of junk- especially microwave popcorn because my parents bought me a microwave. Well anyway I kept a almost seven-year-old up until after 10:30 and she conked out right away. I lasted about thirty nine more minutes than her before I was passed out in bed. So she gets up at the butt crack of dawn and wakes me up at seven. We laid around the house for three more hours before heading out for what became a day of being out and about. I first took her to the Falls. She enjoys it there and we went to the gift shop and looked from up in the tower. We were going to head to the barn art center but the Trolley bus came over and distracted us so we hopped on and took a ride. We came back and looked at the art and enjoyed the free goodies. After a morning of enjoying beauty I took her to a place that crashes all thoughts of beauty- Chuck E. Cheese's. They don't take checks though so from a change scrounge I came up with six dollars of tokens for her to spend. I think that was the right amount of tokens for her though. I then took her to TGIFriday's for lunch and over to the mall to see Santa. Damn I spoil that kid. I'm really realizing how much I do, but that is what an aunt is for.

So I drove her back to Brookings today because I was going to meet up with my friends and go out. Well plans change and it ended up just being two of us watching movies (Down With Love and The Life of David Gale) and doing a puzzle. Woo Hoo! But it was fun. We are meeting up tomorrow for breakfast with our friend from Texas.

So it is 1 now- I've been up since 7- I'm tired. Might not get back until next week sometime -so have a great week.

Well I'm heading back uh-home. It is going to be weird going back even though I've only been home-home for roughly 25 hours I get back into the mindset of living here. Thanksgiving day was great- I slept in- got up and watched the Macy's parade- went on the computer- packed up some more shit to haul- and ate a wonderful home made meal. Then later in the day my sister came over with my nieces. It was cool seeing them- I admitedly hogged the baby. What can I say she likes me. But anyway now I am going to head out on the road and prepare for work tomorrow at 6:45 AM- the good news is that it is only until noon. Then I am going to hang out in SF the rest of Friday and come back to Brookings on Saturday afternoon to see my friend who is up from Texas. Plans may change, but more than likely not. So see you this weekend sometime.

I forgot to mention the Hover boards!

How could I forget the coolest things that were shown in the Back to the Future Part II- The Hover Boards. The fact that they actually exist and are not sold busts my buttons. So a couple of kids might die- so what- bring on the hover boards. Sorry, I don't know what happened to me last week.

Life in Sioux Falls is pretty much the same as it has been for the last couple of weeks- no earth shattering events have happened. I wake up to my alarm clock- that also doubles as a cell phone- or at least I think it does- I think that it is a direct line to just my mother because no one else is calling me on it. Alright my bitching about no one loving me is over. Hopefully... Anyway I wake up to my phone alarm- hit the snooze button on it- yes it has a snooze. Cuddle with my cat- make her purr- and then kick her out of my bed. I lay in bed wondering why the hell I'm not up already hunting for another part-time job- and after a couple of hours of doing that I finally get up and start the day. I fuck around the apartment for a while- getting dressed and watching important shows like 'The View' and since I have some new channels I explore my new wonderful world of entertainment. Then the minutes fly by and I am out the door heading down good old I-229 and I90 to my wonderful place of work- to be unnamed. I am in charge of fourteen children- usually it is ten or less though. The next five or so hours fly by and then before I know it I am heading home to my apartment where I basically flop into the same routine I have in the morning- sweet mind numbing television. And since I live alone now- I usually get to bed at a 'decent hour' in fact I am up very late for me right now- but that is easily explained because I am at my parent's house. I also know why I was always so damn sick all the time when I lived here and why magically I am healthy at my new place. It is because my room at my parents is the tempature of a meat locker- maybe colder. So I am going to flop out on the living room sofa tonight in sweet slumber. I have much more shit I want to talk about but I am going to run upstairs and watch Futurama and maybe even The Family Guy before I zonk out. Ta ta

Britney knows how I feel

The most dangerous thing about cell phones isn't the driving hazard or even the possibility of brain cancer, at least not in my experience. The real danger comes in learning that no one wants to talk to you. My cell phone is my only phone these days, and since it is my first time with one I still get excited on the way home from work because I forget that I have no answering machine waiting for me- sorry that probably made no sense. It's just that I realize I am truly alone, I mean I have my cat, and I am sure glad I do because I would be very lonely without her. How do I describe it...... my loneliness is killing me? Um, no, nevermind that's a Britney Spear's song. Oh well...

I got cable this Thursday morning so I don't have to rely on my DVDs. I borrowed Season 4 and 5 of Friends from my sister- and I had crazy dreams involving the New York gang- haha (I'm laughing at how lame I am). I also started watching my Back to the Future trilogy. I must say that old 'future' movies are always so strange to watch. In the 80s I fully believed that Part II would be possible by 2015. I just hope that someone invents a machine that walks a dog outside- that is always something that is shown for the 'future'.

So I am living in my new apartment. I was taking baths right away because I didn't have a shower curtain. Well earlier this week I got a rod and a curtain. I tried to take my first shower early this week- and it wasn't a pleasant experience. The highest the spray head goes is to my breasts. I almost strained my back trying to shampoo and condition my hair. I probably looked like Will Ferrell in the Elf movie when he is taking a shower in an elf-sized one. I never felt more freakish than when I was in the shower- it's not like I'm terribly tall- just 5'10!

Speaking of cable and tv. I watched Survivor last night. It was the episode where the rest of the group boots Rupert. Not that I wanted him out, but in retrospect he played the game too weirdly for my tastes. He threatened to hurt players that voted for him and acted too intimidating. It was a strategy that worked for a while, and now it's done. I'm not sure who is going to win- so it might get exciting again. I just hope that Jon doesn't win- god he's annoying. I also watched a show I have rarely caught in the last couple of years- ER. And damn I'm glad I did. They killed Romano. He was freaking out about being near the helicopter and ran down to floor level and out side to feel more secure. And wouldn't you know it- just as the helicopter takes off the wind shifts sending it crashing into the landing and over the edge of the building landing and instantly killing Romano. I liked that asshole darn it. But it was a great death.

It sucks that I don't have my internet access in SF yet- I miss it extremely. It is probably among the top three things I miss the most.

Missed me?

Hey! I signed the lease Monday morning- went to work- and then came back to Brookings packed up some shit and my cat and moved down to Sioux Falls. I am just visiting my parents and using their (my) computer. Yes, so I will have limited access to a computer and the internet now- but at least I am away from my parents. My cat was freaked for the first couple of days- but now she is at home. I have no cable yet- and I am extremely bored when I am at the apartment. Next week I am going to be dovoted to finding another part-time job. That is what I like about Sioux Falls, many more possibilities.

The one thing I hate about living by myself is how much time is spent in silence. I don't like to talk all the time, but I have no one other than my cat and myself to talk to. I have so much shit left to pack up and bring- but my parents hauled up shit through out the week for me- so I don't have to do as much. Boring I know- but maybe I will think of more to talk about later- if not see you next week???

I'm Movin' Out!

I finally got to see the apartment my parents picked out on Thursday. It is two bedrooms- 475- and allows cats. I snatched it up right away. I also have new carpet, lineoleum, and a new fridge. It is nice. I think my cat will like it- she can run around and watch birds outside the patio window. Now I am contemplating packing shit. I have so much and yet it is all little trivial crap- such as beauty products and movies. I am going to be moving for the next month or so. And why did I title this entry Movin' Out- you may be asking- because I have heard the Billy Joel song about umpteen times since Thursday on the radio- so it is my theme song for well- movin' out. I had an interview at my job for a different position- actually I was hired as a substitute for a child care facility- but I have been in the same room for the majority of time I have been working there. I was filling in for a person on medical leave- and it was determined that her position was going to be open this week. I applied and was touted by the head teacher for it. If more than one person applies then there has to be interviews- and more people did apply. I think I have it though- so that means I don't have to move around from room to room every day- which I am happy about.

I finally got to stick around SF yesterday after work- my friend Vickie came up and we went out to eat with some of her high school friends- (my sort of friends) at Granite City. It was very nice I hadn't ever ate there before. We then went to Nutty's and talked for a while. By 10 I was ready to leave and I did. Some memories were brought back to me that night- and I came home ready to relax and hang out and then crash into bed. I went on the internet to check my e-mail and important news (aka entertainment). I am not a patient person- in fact my parents have a nickname of 'Miss One Note' for me. Well, I have been waiting for a person to contact me for about three and a half months- and I had given up after about a month and a half. It just so happens that this person was also involved in the stirred memories from earlier that night- and last night I talked to him again. I really don't know what to say to him. I know it is weird to say- but I am a different person than I was in the summer- I have a life- I'm not some groupie hanging on his every word. I doubt that he would know about this blog- but even if he did I don't care- I waited a long time to hear from him and that is just as friends. Frankly much of the conversation was like being a mirror- where he was talking to himself about how wonderful he is. I mean people want to talk about themselves- I understand that- but they also need to try to relate to others every once and a while. Anyway- what should have made me happy didn't. I am more confident in what I have to offer- which is a lot.

I gots to go- I get to babysit my baby niece right now- bye

Nomad Sarah

Hello- a brief time that I am home and not sleeping. The last couple of days have sucked. I got sick Saturday night and stayed sick until well... today. I think I had a good old sinus infection this time- made me feel like complete shit. Come Monday morning I attempted to get to Sioux Falls, made it as far as Elkton exit and turned the fuck around. I didn't want to die that day. Two other people died that day because of weather related accidents. So no work on Monday- but I felt like shit so I couldn't really appreciate it- besides I stayed up and did shit like clean my parents house, shovel, and run errands. The next day I went up to SF early to look for apartments with the parents. The first one we looked at was really nice- pretty expensive for a poor ass girl like me- but it was very nice. We then looked at three or four other places before I had to be dropped off for work. My parents continued looking for me- and found some other places of interest. Well anyway- no one shows apartments at night- so I couldn't see any of them that night. I left at 7:30 this morning in my car behind my mother. She had an appointment at 8:35 in SF so we were going to do more looking after she got done- and before I had to work at 10:30. Needless to say- the plans fell apart and I barely made it to work on time. I am resigned to the fact that I am never going to find a place that is affordable- allows cats- and is nice. Just don't know what I am going to do- I guess I am going to have to get up early again tomorrow and head down to SF and search some places. Sorry for anyone who actually read that whole mess above- just me getting my thoughts out.

Right now I am listening to Forty Licks the greatest of Rolling Stones. I checked it out from the library. I never thought I was a big fan of the group- and I am never going to be rabid- but they are good. Hearing all their songs together helps me realize how much I do appreciate the music. I also got Movin' Out- the musical based on Billy Joel's songs. I don't care how uncool it makes me- Billy Joel is the bomb- um.. was the bomb in the eighties. I haven't listened to the whole CD yet- but it was good- just a different guy singing his songs basically.

Anyway- wish me luck on the roads tomorrow- and I'll chat later.

Life is just going so fast these days.

Drive, Work, Drive, Eat, Watch Sex and the City, Sleep- and repeat cycle- that is my life. I have been able to fit other things in such as more television programs and of course more eating, but my life is starting to take that boring routine kind of feel. Watching the show has made me so want to start having sex- and at the same time run screaming in the other direction from every guy I encounter. Speaking of encountering, I haven't heard from a friend of mine in over two months- is that a sign- why can't guys be friends with a woman that they flirted with. I had the best relationship with a guy- mind you it was over im- and I meet him- things go really good- we keep talking- I meet him again- things start to go not so good- and after a while I don't hear a peep from him. I just don't understand what it is about me that makes guys run away from even friendship- it has always been that way. Is it just me or all women- is When Harry Met Sally right- can men and women not be friends without the sex thing getting in the way? Can they not be friends with me because they aren't attracted to me? I just don't get it. I really liked this guy- he was smart and funny. Another thing he had in common with all guys I connect mentally with is that he was extremely skinny- I just don't know why I am attracted to those guys. I would really like a big teddy bear of a guy- but my mind connects with guys that were tortured in high school because of how small they were. It blows my mind.

It is not even midnight and I am already yawning up a storm. It's sad really. I didn't go out this weekend. I am having a sleepover with my niece tonight. I should probably comment on Survivor- the new twist was obviously coming- and only time will tell how the tribes react to the new-old tribe members. I am sure it just knocked the socks of some Survivor watchers, but I was prepared when the old members came back for revenge. How badly would that have been to keep it secret from the media during the interview day after they originally got kicked out- knowing that the twist was coming and having to keep silent about it, and make sure not to let it slip. I think that is different than the other people on Survivor- those people really did go and splurge on food right away and let go of the game- but the people who are going back in the game kept living it and had to pretend that they didn't until now. Anyway.. still not sure how the series is going to end, and that makes it exciting.

Here are the actual quotes from 'Shortcomings'- Season 2 of Sex and the City- see below if uncomprehensible-

Miranda: I don't wear vintage clothes, I hate flea markets, I don't collect antiques. Is it too much to ask that he not be...I don't know.... used?...... It's like chewing someone else's gum.

Not saying that I fully agree with that- but basically it is true. And it doesn't even have to have a child present- just the scars of previous relationships- marriage or otherwise- sucks. I don't want to gain a used boyfriend- because I am new- only been test driven occasionally- and then only in town. Wow- I am a retard! I went out for about three hours- had three talls at Skinners and went home at midnight- woo hoo- I'm wild!

I went 'house' hunting with my mother today in Sioux Falls- and it sucked. I am going to have to spend more money than I thought for a decent place. I just want to be assured of being in a warm place for the winter- with adequate bathroom and kitchen facilities. All the places we looked at today were pretty shitty- I think mainly because of the side of town we were looking at- so next week is time to hunt the city for a place to stay. That should be fun!??? So if someone who has knowledge of a rocking place in SF happens to read this email me at hella_goodsd@yahoo.com

I plan to sleep a lot tomorrow morning- and then get up and go over to see my nieces. Such a busy life I lead...

Well after two straight weeks of working- I am now a worker ant- I live for my weekends. That's not true really- I am enjoying all week. This morning I went over and hung out with my baby niece while her mom (my sister) had a little time away. She is starting to get a personality- I can't wait until she responds to me though. I had to be at work at noon- so I was on the road at 11. I need to stop speeding- because it is only a matter of time before I get a ticket. I used to notch it up to 79 then it became 80 or 81. Today I caught myself setting the cruise control at 85. Bad Sarah! Anyway- work is there and I am getting more comfortable with the routine. Tomorrow I look for apartments? Well maybe.... or Sunday. I might go out tomorrow night- have a celebration for my new job and my first paycheck.

I haven't talked about Survivor recently- mainly because it really wasn't too interesting. This week's episode was pretty gnarly- yes I just said gnarly. It was only a matter of time before someone tried gunning for Rupert- and who blames them? I am pretty sure that he won't win- just because he is a big threat for both sides. Still unsure how it is going to turn out- and that makes it interesting. My mom and I went crazy at the last tribal council- when that Trish woman lied to everyone after being asked point blank about the Rupert stuff. That John guy has got to go- totally annoying- I would have wanted to punch him in the face if I was a member of the Morgan tribe- when he told them that they had only won the first challenge because their team had thrown it. When Morgan won the last immunity challenge- the leader (name is escaping me) was so happy he cried. So anyhoo- we will see how it goes.

And other entertainment news... I am getting close to being obsessed with Sex and the City. I am now on Season Three. I have nothing in common with these women albeit a vagina, but I love the show. I had heard about the show and the characters before- and I had always assumed that I would feel more in common with the character Charlotte. I can't stand her at all- I like the actress- but damn she has to play a really shallow person. She's so hung up on appearences, and even though she says she is innocent she has almost sex as the supposed whore of the show, Samantha. I enjoy Samantha, she tells it like it is. Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie, is alright. She can be annoying as well, and her 'relationships' are totally fucked up. The one character I thought I would dislike the most is my favorite, Miranda. She doesn't know what she wants- she wants it all and she wants nothing. She has red hair and a cat- that is where the physical and life style shared characteristics end. I shouldn't be writing this, but there was an episode where she dates (and on the show- of course fucks) that is a divorced father of a young child. Miranda doesn't feel comfortable with this and states the funniest and most truthful lines about why she has trouble accepting it. I am going to write it down because it is so good- but right now I am without access to the DVD- I'll plug it in later. What she says is so me- it might sound shallow- but it is also just me. I would be too much hard work starting my own family much less meeting someone who already has it started. I just watched an episode last night where Miranda finds out she contracted a STD, and she has to go through her list of partners over her life. Her number was 42! Yikes! And it had stated that she had never been tested before- say what!!!- she's supposed to be this thirty-something smart lawyer and she had never been tested!? If someone so much sneezes on me I am getting tested. I have about 8 years to reach the same numbers- do you think I can do it? First I have to find number one......

It is a little after 10 PM on a Tuesday night and I am ready for bed- WEIRD!!- I still have a cold that is messing with my mind and body. I went in early to work and that has exhausted me. I found this great article about the sickly season - ya'll should check it out!

I hate having a head cold. I have one right now. Plus an extremely early period- not that I am complaining too strongly about that- but I'm not used to normal menstration, so now I am doubly wiped out. And it is my first weekend after a full week of work- so I am triple tired.

The main good thing to come out of my new job- other than the whole getting money thing- is that my cat has fallen in love with me.... I was going to say again... but that's not true. I guess she is realizing how much she loves me for the first time. I have always been there since she was a kitten- she doesn't remember being alone. I wake up to her camped out on my chest waiting for her petting- and then the purring commences. It makes me feel like a parent seeing their baby smile for the first time- because Hella is such a silent cat- always has been. Now she purrs all the time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder I guess....

I'm listening to one of my new CD's- this one is Just Because I'm a Woman- Songs of Dolly Parton a collection of her songs sung by other artists. It is pretty good so far. I also got the new Totally Hits 2003 and the new Elvis Greatest Hits CD 2nd to None. My sister still has my copy of the first one- so I may have to eventually buy that again. This one has a lot of my favorites- like 'Little Sister'. So I have been going a little crazy with buying CDs lately. I am definitely buying the new NOW cd though- I just saw the advertisment on TV- it should be in stores in I'll say three weeks maximum. I admit it freely, I love those CDs- I bought similiar ones before they were cool- mind you the songs were from the 80s and early nineties- but they were the hits performed by the actual artists. I always hate finding ones that feature great songs and at such a reasonable price and then you see that crappy line on the bottom of the CD 'Performed by the Afternoon Delights' or some other shitty cheesy name. I would rather pay the extra five dollars for a decent version- thanks, but no thanks. One day my friend Vickie was raving about her new CD and that she now has 'I Will Survive'. She puts it on in front of me- and I had to inform her that the lady was no Gloria Gaynor- probably more like a Susan Johnson with a part-time job. Well anyway, I feel very strongly about that topic.... I also bought the DVD of 'The Sure Thing'- it is probably the best John Cusack film ever. I may watch it sometime soon.

I'm going to watch 'Dreamcatcher' tonight- I just want to get in the right mindset. I have spent the last week watching Season Two of Sex and the City. I have only seen two episodes of the show at the most before I rented the season last week. I like it a lot. While I hope that women aren't having that much promiscious sex these days- I love the topics that are discussed. My friends and I are very open about sex, and it makes me remember the good times when seeing the four women talking. I'm going to rent Season Three tomorrow night- and stretch it out over the next week.

I had a good day today- I hung out with my niece- doing trivial shit- that all added up to a great day. I gave her parents some alone time with the baby, who is home now. I went over and held the new baby for about thirty minutes- I still feel weird about her- because I have yet to hold her while she is fully awake- so not hearing her cries and seeing her feed makes me feel like I am holding a lifelike doll. I am excited about her growing in the next three months. Christmas should be a fun time. I can't wait for when I have my own baby- but I'm in no rush- at least until age 34- then I will be trying to get any male in a 100 mile radius to impregnate me. That leaves me with less than 9 years to find someone. I guess I should get all decked out and head to the bar right now- find me a real winner....

So tired- think that my brain is going to turn to mush. Yet I am up at midnight- go figure! The new job is going..... I was going to say great- but that's jumping the gun. I do enjoy working with the little ones again- and after the first couple of diapers my fingers remembered how the routine goes. The commute right now is killing me- I know it's not that far but coupled with my having to work at nine and being a recovering night owl is stressful.

My niece is doing good- she will more than likely be out of the hospital tomorrow or in the next couple of days. I am pretty excited for Taylor to finally touch her and hold her. There was a big blow out with my sister and her husband and my mother- because my mom told her that she can't smoke around the baby and that she needs to quit smoking. I was caught in the middle because I agree with my mom about the smoking, but I also know how my mother manuvers and how she will just keep nagging for hours on end. Anyway, that's another stress I have had in the last week.

I have been missing my cat so much lately- poor kitty was so used to me being home all the time. Plus, I haven't yet watched last week's Survivor- but I intend on taping tonights and watching both this weekend. Because I know there must be a lot of disappointed people- hahahehe

The site that I put on Friday is right- but my niece's picture is still MIA. I haven't held her again. I went to the hospital today with my parents and my niece. Taylor and I got dropped off at Chuck E Cheese for about two hours. I tell you big fun- I could play Skee ball all day long. I am also big on getting photos at those kind of places. We took about six different pictures, because they were only a token each. So we generally had a great time and then we were picked up and we hung around the hallway while her parents feed Samantha. I am happy for my niece though because she finally got to see the baby close up- because a nurse held her to the window. I am sure I will keep everyone informed on her progress in the next couple of days.

I chopped the hair, it is above my shoulders. I cut off 7 inches. I needed a minimum of 10 inches for Locks of Love- so yeah.... I did it for not. I also colored my hair- so I feel like a new woman. I work tomorrow at about noon. I can't wait until I get an apartment in SF so I don't have to drive every day.

I had a good time out last night for my friend Vickie's birthday. Didn't do anything outrageous, but had a fun time just sitting back and talking. I also danced- well at least my version of it.

I survived my first day of work- I am in orientation right now- that means going to about four different classrooms during the day- so I got to be in the 2 year-old room, the preschool room (4 & 5), the infant room, and play with the 3 & 4's. So I had fun today- I am looking forward to tomorrow- I get to be in four other rooms. I start on Monday at 9 (with an hour drive). So I was there from 10 until 5:30- tomorrow I am there from 12 till 6.

I headed to the hospital right after I got done with work. My dad was there, along with my sister and my brother-in-law and my older niece. I found them outside in the hallway watching through the glass as my brother-in-law's mother held Samantha. Then my dad held her a second time- and I kept watching through the glass. My poor Taylor- she so badly wants to hold the baby- but she's not old enough to go in. As I was heading to go and scrub up she was starting to cry. My poor baby girl.

So I scrubbed up and donned a gown and got to head in to hold the baby. I am going to include the link to see her- because is doesn't say last names anyway. Here is where you can find Samantha Rose 10-7-03. It could serve as a warning against smoking during pregnancy. I am disgusted with it- I was sick last Saturday when she lite up a total of 7 times in an afternoon. It is hard to talk about because it makes it seem like we encouraged her to do it- but we didn't. My mom and I both talked to her about it when she just learned she was pregnant, and then in her 5th month there was a big blow-out and it seemed like we were cut off from her family. So I didn't want to say anything and jeopardize seeing my nieces. She only talks about the high blood pressure but she knows- she's not stupid- and maybe that is the worst part of it- she is incredibly intelligent. The guilt is doing a pretty good job on her I think, and frankly she deserves it. So right now I am just being there for my sister and her family. If I ever see a pregnant woman smoking- I'm going to smack the cigarette out of her hand- and shove a picture of my niece in her face. It is sad when my older niece who was 5 pounds 8 ounces looks huge in comparison to Samantha. All my babies are going to be given the best chance in life- I owe them that. I have a feeling that I will have big babies- 9 pounders.

Baby Samantha is so tiny- it was very odd holding her- it doesn't seem real still- because she is just so little. I told her that I am her cool young aunt and that I am going to spoil her. She grasped my pinkie pretty strongly, so I take it that as her agreeing with everything I said. She has blonde hair- I thought it was reddish- but it is pretty blonde up close. I had my sister take a polaroid of me holding her- and it just happens to be in the same pose as when I held her sister almost 7 years ago. I came home and got that picture and studied myself- yes now I am turning the conversation into all about me. I had bangs when I was 18, braces, and I hadn't yet discovered waxing eyebrows. For some reason my eyes are all squinty in the older picture- maybe they were weighed down with excess eyebrow hair?? I much more confident then that 18 year-old- and that made me happy.

Damn I really want to talk tonight- last night when I was struggling to fall asleep I decided that the hair had to go. So I am going to get it cut this weekend. I need to find the address of 'Locks of Love' and send my ponytail in so that wigs can be made for children with cancer. I am really going to chop it- because my hair is super fucking long- and kind of weighed down and therefore falling out easily. I want something cute and bouncy. I am getting excited about going out for my friend's birthday on Saturday- I want to dance and have fun.

Big events in women's lives usually leads to dramatic changes in hair or appearance. This week has been a big week.

The baby is doing well- as well as can be expected weighing three pounds. Went up with the fam to see her- my mom and dad got to hold her- my brother and myself didn't. I am going to finally get to hold her tomorrow- after my first day on the new job. So yeah- that's basically my life right now- still rather boring but hectic at the same time. I am sure I will talk about the first day tomorrow and getting to hold my sweet baby niece.

Howdy-ho!
I'm an aunt again! My sister's blood pressure was too high at her doctor's appointment today- so it was decided that the baby had to come out. Well- after it appeared the baby was in distress- attempts at a natural birth were scraped, and she had a C-section. We didn't know this coming up to SF- so when we got there we were quite surprised. Her name is Samantha Rose. She is tiny and I mean tiny- 3 lbs and 8 ounces. She is seemingly healthy though- I guess I will know more tomorrow. She has a full set of reddish-blonde hair. I also got a new job today- so hey it's been a pretty good day.

Well- I made it to the interview- and it went well- I guess....? So I got to while away the afternoon then in a lovely warm October day. I went to Falls Park and sat and read and wrote in my journal. It was a very pleasant time- although I kept expecting to see the person who first showed me the park so I would be looking around every once in a while unconsciously- but I didn't see him. I love summer days- and today was a summer day baby! I actually got up at 7:30 AM- shocking I know! (well at least for people who really know me). So I got about four hours of sleep- and I probably will still stay up until at least 1 tonight. But I think I am going to start doing this crazy thing called sleeping during the night- and being awake in the daytime- because I kind of enjoyed it.

While I was in SF- I made some purchases- including 'A Mighty Wind' just because I know I am going to love it anyway. I also went to Barnes and Noble and got about three books- so yay!- I will be reading this week. My friend Vickie is going to turn 25 on Saturday and I have to conserve my energy for a wild night out. She promised me that she was going to do a jager bomber shot with me- yum! I would like to note that once again I felt extremely happy today as soon as I left Brookings- weird huh?

This quote pretty much sums up my thoughts while glancing at the self-improvement section in B&N:
I was going to buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking,' and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? - Ronnie Shakes

I should be sleeping- but darn it I am awake! I just got done watching 'Kissing Jessica Stein'. I have been wanting to see it for a long time now. A quick summary of the movie is that a woman about 30 is tired of looking for 'Mr. Right' via blind dates. She answers a classified ad from a woman- and thus ensues a relationship that is somewhere between friendship and romance. It was really good- I enjoy independent films every once and a while. I related to the Jessica character- in a lot of ways. I didn't come away from the film looking at my life any differently though. I could never be a lesbian- sure it was fun acting stupid with friends when I was younger at bars for free drinks. But mainly that was just us trying to scam guys(it was pretty easily done). I like guys- and yet I hate them. I guess when I meet the right person I'll know- but as the years go by it is getting harder telling myself that and believing it.

I have an interview tomorrow in Sioux Falls- at a place I really am not so sure about how I get to. So I hope I find my way. That is why I should be in bed. I am going to have to curl my hair tomorrow- which totally pisses me off. It is getting so fucking long- that I am tempted to just chop it off. Then I regain my senses and talk myself out of it. In December if I still feel so strongly about it then I can do it. I have been growing my hair out for about a year and a half. It is long- past my shoulder blades. I just don't want to be the person who uses her hair as a security blanket, I wish I was the bohemian type with long hair but I can't really pull that off. So sooner than later, the hair will be cut.

I hate my body right now- I walk every fucking day- average of 6 miles a day- but am I seeing any firming up recently? The answer would be no. I did stupidly weigh myself the other day and I know that I have lost weight- about 50 pounds to be exact. But right now I am at a standstill- a plateau- and it is pissing me off and making me depressed. Then I start looking at myself through other people's eyes- which is so not good to do- but I am my mother's daughter. I do care what people think about me- but I hate when I let people's opinions become my own. So tomorrow I am going to go the falls and have a relaxing hour or so reading out of 'When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies' and try to regain a firm grip on how I react to assholes. Hot damn- it's almost 3 AM- I'm getting to sleep.

Hey! I took a couple of days off of reporting my mundane life. I've been places and done things. I haven't done my review of Survivor this week yet. It will be short this week. My team, Drake, is dominating the challenges- both reward and immunity. They have yet to lose any of them- so that's a total of 5 in a row. So hopefully something will happen that will shake up the teams and make it interesting.

I watched 'Bend it Like Beckham' and I liked it. I wouldn't buy the movie- but it was enjoyable. I would recommend it. I went to SF today with my sister and niece and did a lot of 'window shopping' seeing as I have no money. I encouraged my sister to buy 'A Mighty Wind' so I can borrow it. Selfish, I know! Still haven't seen it, but it's there for the asking.

And on Friday I finally got my contacts! I hate glasses so much. I wonder if it is scientifically proven that people who wear glasses only have poor self esteem. I generally feel frumpy with my contacts on, but damn I didn't even care when I had my glasses on. I felt so radiant when I first put my contacts in, it's faded since then.

I might have more to talk about tomorrow- my brain is ready to fall out right now though. I need to start getting my days and nights straight (another famous quote from my father).

I found an article that made me feel a little bit better about my forgetting my niece at school- check it out Mind you, It doesn't make me feel good about people, but I'm not as bad comparatively so.....

I rented 'Bend it like Beckham' tonight- it looks good. I really wanted Dreamcatcher because I have read the book- but it was gone. I'll let you know what I think about the movie. I also bought Martina McBride's new CD 'Martina' today. Mainly because I really like 'This One's For the Girls'- so hey- if you are my friend I'll let you borrow mine if I can borrow yours!! I need to go to the computers on campus and burn some CDs tomorrow because I have overdo library CDs.

'The way I see it, God put me on Earth to achieve a certain number of things. By now I'm so far behind, I'll never die.' -Calvin and Hobbes

I get the worst aunt of the month award. Not only do I contribute to her getting a bloody nose yesterday, but today I forgot to pick her up from school! I feel really bad just thinking about it, the only thing that makes it better is that she's not my actual child. So I feel like shit today.

There is something that I need to get off my chest. I know that I will never understand guys, but just when I think I do, they do something completely fucked up again. As a girl I function differently I guess. For example, if I met someone from messenger and didn't even want to talk to them as a friend anymore afterwards, then I would probably not talk to the person anymore or just tell them I didn't want to talk anymore. Not guys apparently- first they leave messages like 'Sorry you had to leave so soon, I was nervous' and then 'I think your('re) very pretty'. It made me scratch my head especially when the same person avoids me on messenger for the next um... four or so days. I mean,, what the fuck is that all about?? Just for future reference guys- don't say words you don't mean. It must be the same brain thing that makes guys say I love you during sex when they don't mean it. Then again- it might be like me writing this. I might wish I hadn't? Oh well... it was just something that has confused me for the past couple of days. God, it still doesn't make sense to me- well if someone has the answer please tell me. Come on Rebekah- give me your insight- ask Jamie even.

I always get inspired to do things in the early morning- I finally brought books to Goodwill tonight at midnight. They had been sitting in a box downstairs for about um... 5 months. Tomorrow I'm going to bring the other box that has the encyclopedias from 1990. I also got some CDs back from my sister today- it has been almost a year since I let her borrow them. In fact I'm listening to them now- yippy!

My day with Taylor went great- well most of it was. We went to the park and she showed me where she got hurt- and we played and swung and talked about when the baby comes next month. We were having a grand time. Then we sat on this floating wood structure that is on top of a spring- we practiced spitting water- I was showing her how to do effective spitting because I saw it on TV. Well she was sitting on her knees and leaning over the edge of the wood seat- and next thing I know she is falling over the edge and hits her nose on a nearby wooden log. I was in total shock- I just knew that she would get hurt with me at the park I just didn't think it would be from doing something so stupid. So I jump off and pick her up and the blood started to flow freely. Luckily I had clean tissues- so I shove them in her nose. Then I had to calm her down enough so we could walk to the local laundry mat. I assumed it would have a pay phone- but then again I'm stupid- so no phone- I cornered two guys and asked if anyone had a cell phone. The first guy said no- and then the other guy reluctantly said yeah and offered it to me. I am an oddity- I don't have a cell phone. So my mom came and got us- because I didn't think Taylor would be up for a mile walk back. She so didn't want us to tell her parents because she thought she wouldn't be able to go on the playground anymore. But my parents ratted us out before we even got to the house.

Before I brought her back though we went to the family film 'Secondhand Lions'. It was hokey but I guess that's good in a family film. I cried when something happened to the lion. It was my first serious film with Taylor. She is starting to be so grown up.

I got the Totally Country Volume 3 CD. It is good because it has the Dusty Drake song- One Last Time on it. I cry every time I hear it. I like the other songs too- I already have some of them- but hey- I'm no pirate. I wish I could be though- because damn I like music and I have wasted a lot of money on CDs when all I needed was one or two songs.

I forgot to talk about my eyes- still don't care for glasses- but I'm starting to adjust to them. On the plus side- my eye color is noticeable because my eyes aren't red.

I'm feeling much better tonight. Mainly for one thing that has been weighing on my mind for about oh I don't know 52 days! So anyway- I watched MTV's Diary of Jack Black. I find him to be the funniest mother fucker ever- watching him makes me wish I had him as a friend. So now I'm all eager to see his new movie, School of Rock. I actually snorted while watching the show. I am eager to see another movie- one that surprises me- Kill Bill. It surprises me because I've never been a Quentin fan, or a fan of any other weird bloody, violent movie- but I want to see it??

Today is going to be fun- because I get to hang out with my niece. It will probably be our last hurrah before the baby comes. Then it will be like Taylor who?-where's the baby. Haha- okay not really. I have a great bond with Taylor and really I feel bad for this new baby because I won't see it as much as I did Taylor. I'm the only blood aunt- therefore more important. My mom doesn't have a sister- so I was cheated out of the close aunt relationship. Anyway- I'm going to make her demonstrate how she bit it at the Medary playground tomorrow- and who knows what else we will decide to do- the day is ours!

So very bored- and so fucking annoyed with my f-ing glasses. I am so mad right now that it is hard not to swear- but I'll try. I have to be PMSing because I am so moody lately, I feel like kicking someone one moment and then I'll watch five seconds of the 'Pet Psychic' and start crying. I don't get it! Right now I just feel like typing expletives on this damn blog. Rebekah- do you want to come down here again tomorrow night?? I'm so damn lonely- I need my friends. I have even wondered what I can hock for a plane ticket to Las Vegas- because I miss Dayna so much.

Part of me wants to curl up in a ball and sing 'All By Myself' and weep into a blankie- but it is getting beat by my other side- the restless side. I probably would have gone out to if it weren't for these damn glasses- I hate them. Yes- that's it- I will blame my glasses for everything bad that happens in my life.

Plus I would just like to bitch about something. Why do I and other women have to feel like they are a Russian mail order bride on messenger. I innocently talk to people and then it goes to the description of yourself- I give out less information at a physical exam than what the guys want to know. It starts out innocently a/s/l- and then in the next breath it's height, hair color, eye color, and weight. I guess some people are just interested in hooking up over messenger- but I just want to talk to interesting people and mainly I just want to talk to my friends. I guess because I don't converse with many women on IM I can't say this with certainty but- I don't care what a person looks like that I meet over messenger and I think that a lot of women feel the same way. I just don't know why I went on in the first place all it has brought me is trouble. And I don't want certain people thinking I am just talking about them- because I'm not- it's a lot of people I am talking about.

Terribly tragic news-

I got up this morning- well technically it was morning- and I start getting ready for my day. I take out the recycleables. I do some chores around the house, and then decide to put my contacts in. I put in my right one- and then move to the left- and I drop it down the sink. I was so pissed off, for about fifty different reasons. The top of the list being I hate wearing glasses. The other thing is the hassle and the price of the contacts and the check-up I know I have to have. I went and had my check-up this afternoon and the contact will hopefully get here early next week. So I am stuck with my pieces of crap- even though they don't look too bad.

I would also like to note something I find odd. I always look under the Yahoo Entertainment News first- because of course it's more important than World News and etc. Well I was in the Gossip/Celebrity section and I was disturbed that the whole Janklow shit was under it. I was like what the fuck! It didn't make sense, it still doesn't.

I'll try to sum up the second episode in a couple of sentences. My team Drake kicked ass in both challenges- of course. So they got to loot an item from the losers, Morgan, for the reward challenge. That was fun to witness- the hostility of the tribe when the representative came to claim their prize- the tarp that covered their housing- haha. Then my team had a little upset when the fishing spearhead was lost in the sea. But my guy Rupert found it. The challenges that the Survivor people come up with- are so damn weird. I am a total loon when it comes to seeing people compete in races- I get really nervous. I get nervous even if I really don't favor a team or person. Well anyway, Morgan had to vote off someone. Instead of kicking off the person who was pleading to leave (the black, fit Osten) they kick out 'Skinny Ryan' (I think that's his name?) I hope that it picks up next week- because this episode was kind of ho-hum. Alright it was a little longer than a couple of sentences.

I didn't just sit on my ass and watch TV all night- I got some walking in. I used to love walking alone in the summer time- but I am starting to miss my walking buddy who is always busy. It's lonely in the coolness of fall. So there I am all the time walking by myself. If I get hit by a car tell Vickie it was all her fault because she was the person in charge of looking out for that kind of stuff. My job is to make sure we don't step in dog poop or trip over sticks. I wonder how many neighborhood children are frightened of the crazy cat lady who walks all the time. I guess I should just start getting comfortable in that role. I want another kitty- but I'm not going to do it. I don't know if I could deal with fighting- and my cat would be a major fight instigator. Then again she would try to fight someone other than me, hmm.... Sorry, my mind is all over the place tonight.

Survivor is the only actual TV I watched during prime time. But I had a little mini-marathon of Season 3 of Friends- borrowed from my sister. I was completely shocked to realize that I had never seen three back-to-back episodes of the season. It's not like I was so popular during that time- I was going to guess when they originally aired- but I cheated and looked- it was my senior year in high school. I know for a fact that I was home those nights, because frankly I had no life. I guess it is good because then I have something to look forward to in my sad lonely little life. I'm half joking.

So of course watching all the well-friends- has made me miss mine. I want someone to visit me.

Two little statistical facts that I thought I should share with the public. I'm not quite sure where I found them- just wrote them down because they interested me.

The cost of sequestering the jury in the O.J. Simpson trial: $2,985,052.

11% of Americans have thrown out a dish just because they "didn't want to wash it."

See I told you very informative, so Enjoy!

Oh my god- I'm back again. And I had someone enquire over my cycle today, so I thought I would bring back the countdown. It is now day 48- for those folks keeping track, I'm looking forward to the 30th. Today was my sister's 8th wedding anniversary- so yay for Amy and Mark! News on that front- my niece had her first gruesome playground accident today. She smacked her nose pretty good and even got to get x-rays taken. My poor little woman.

I got my walking done early today- so I was able to watch TV without feeling too guilty. So I am going to discuss all the programs I watched tonight. The first show was Gilmore Girls. I wasn't a huge fan right away with this show- but it grows on a person. I really enjoy the dry humor. All the characters in the show say the wittiest things. I wish that I had those kind of relationships where you trade lines so freely and smoothly. I usually just end up having to explain my joke to the other person. Anyway- the first episode of the season was alright. I wonder what is going to happen this year.

Then the next show was the Joe Schmo show. The patsy, Matt, is a really sweet guy. Makes you feel really bad for him. He is just so clueless in such an over the top situation. I am beginning to be hooked on the show. In truth the people that are really getting played are the actors, because they really like the guy they are tricking. For the 'immunity challenge' titled Master Debater what the writers set up is truly funny. They had Matt debate that 'Reality shows are mind numbing crap.' It was so classic making him do that.

I then watched another program that I really haven't kept up with- and it's weird because I have been an enthusiast for years and years. The Real World Paris is alright- but I just haven't wanted to watch it. Well I did tonight. I don't like mean people. People that go out of their way to put other people down. I think that the only thing worse than dealing with those people would be realizing when you yourself are a mean person. The girl on the show Leah, was saying and doing the most horrid things and acting like a complete bitch retard. How humiliating though to watch yourself at your worst on TV? I feel bad for her. That is why I will never be on a reality show- because I am aware that I can be a total bitch- I don't need to see myself doing it on TV for years and years to come.

Sad news today- the Maytag man, Gordon Jump, died. I was quite sad when I found out.

I just thought I would update tonight- what else do I have to do? After the last entry my friend with all the boy problems solved them and had sex with the trouble maker. Nothing like a little half-time nookie to make the Sunday bright. I guess I wouldn't know though. I pretty much sat on my ass all day- well until about 5:30 when I got a call from my friend Vickie. She rented 'Gangs Of New York' and wanted me to come and watch it with her. So I did. It definitely didn't deserve best picture at the Oscars (good thing my favorite won). It wasn't terrible, but it still wasn't the best movie ever- in fact, I wouldn't buy it or have too much desire to watch the whole thing again. Leo just doesn't reel me in anymore.

I also got sent some pictures from the wedding I was a bridesmaid in August 30. I was one freakishly tan mother fucker. So I thought I should update you on the pigment of my skin- it is still tan- just not freakishly. By November all traces will be gone- except for wrinkles and freckles. Feel sorry for me. Plus the camera angle I was always positioned on- was not the most flattering for me I must say- yet I was always put there. I am one of those weird people who knows what angle they are best photographed on- but it always is true.

A word to the wise- if you hate women raving over babies- then you should avoid this blog in about a month. Why you may be asking? Because I'm going to be an aunt again- after 6 years and 9 months. I am going to be super antimated when it comes to describing the baby. My sister has been pregnant for a while now obviously- but it is just starting to sink in that I am going to get to spoil another little girl. I was super involved with my niece when she was little- it might be a little different for this baby- but I'll be more mature now. So remember you have been warned

I decided that I am going to start putting in some witty things that I found in one of my Uncle John's Bathroom Readers. If you have never heard about the books you should check them out because they are really good for finding out about trivial stuff and some not so trivial information. You can read it when in the bathroom- but I generally don't. So here is the first one-

Cliff Clavinism on Freud: 'A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you're really thinking about a mother.'

I went out Saturday night. I was out from 6:30 until closing. I am quite proud of myself though because I didn't go overboard with drinking. I met my good friend Rebekah at Skinners. See I told you I'd mention you!! It was so good seeing her, and discussing good times from our past and making new good times. We had a lot- and I mean a lot of old crazy times. Ah! the stupidity of youth! We were both lucky because a favorite beer of ours Berry Weiss was cheap. While Rebekah was talking to a friend at Skinners I went to the Chevy by myself. I had a good time people watching, I always have mixed emotions about being invisible at bars. Because then I think- man at least I am not noticibly freakish but then I feel like what is wrong with me why does no one notice me. That's me, I am never happy. I had my share of drunken boys/men approach me during the night to make me feel like I was there. I am just not a party girl, I am a happy person, but I just can't do the dancing like a hoochie thing anymore that I did when I was 22-23. It is just too tiring, and it just makes you do really regretable things.

Then I got home and got the house slightly picked up for when my friend came over to crash at my place. It was a really sober night for me, and that is a good thing. So I sleep until late in the morning- wake up and say goodbye to my friend, who I still have questions for- yes I'm talking to you! I then head off to my room to snuggle with my cat and I receive a phone call from another friend as soon as I get in bed. She wants to meet. So I talk to her outside on my sidewalk, and she has boy problems- aka- a guy did something to make her feel like shit. Guys are so good at doing that to me and my friends. So we had a little pow wow about how she should handle it- and I hope I did the right job in listening to her and giving her feedback. Guys reading this- do something for me please- think before you speak. If you are tempted to be passive aggressive with a girl- don't. That's our job.

So many things to do and how do I waste my time- watching TV of course. It was so damn cold out today, I hate that, I want summer back! I am going to go and walk earlier than I ordinarily do because I almost froze my ass of tonight. Anyway here it is my first review of Survivor Pearl Islands. Now don't get too excited- haha. I know that no one else cares but me and that I am doing it for my own pleasure- that's what makes it all worthwhile.

So where should I begin with my review of the new Survivor? I think I will start with the incredible twist that was already announced. I already knew they would be thrown overboard with the clothes on their backs, but I was unaware of how they were going to get their supplies. This was the part that made the show really interesting to me- because this was the survivors being able to obtain tools that they wanted- mind you from a limited village. It will be interesting to find out what supplies they forgot or which ones are really functional for them. There are a lot of hot men in this Survivor- but right now they are nameless hot guys with little personality. The women are not overly annoying unlike last season (Heidi, Jenna). The two teams, Drake and Morgan, named after legendary pirates are, I believe, pretty evenly matched for physical strength. Something that caught my attention is that this is the first Survivor in a long time without a really old person. The oldest person I believe is in their late 40s or early fifties, possibly even younger.

Another shocking moment for me was when Drake tribe member Rupert- or as I and his team calls him Blackbeard- pillaged the other teams shoes and traded them for supplies. He is a troubled teen mentor- that's what really got me. I couldn't stop laughing for about two minutes. I must applaud the casters of the show on getting a huge burly man for the show, encapturing the image of the pirates that once roamed the islands that Survivor takes place on. Plus, he reminds me of Hagrid from Harry Potter. One of his tribe mates, Sandra, worked wonders with her ability to speak to the locals- getting a lunch of chicken and tin foil for the road, and other helpful supplies. On the other tribe, Morgan, one person stuck out to me- Osten a young black male. He traded all his clothes except his boxers! What a dumbass. I did feel pity for the girl who was only wearing a tube dress, with only a thong on underneath. Luckily she, Nicole, was the first one kicked out- because that would have sucked being in for more than the three days she was stuck on the island. What blew my mind is that both tribes didn't try to get more clothing while in the village. As soon as they were done they paid for a boat ride to their island.

The islands seem really cool- and I hope that more exploration takes place soon. The bug bites that the Drake team suffered were unbelievable. Huge bumps covered every inch of their skin. Rupert again amazed me with his ability to provide for his fellow survivors. And any guy who can feel comfortable in a skirt is pretty cool- but I'm glad I didn't have to see it in person. But despite the bug bites, Drake went on to win immunity in a tight race with the Morgan tribe with their three nude men. I am really excited about this Survivor I think that it will be a good one.

There are an abundance of articles out that make my day- hopefully this one will make yours.

If you haven't guessed from my previous entries- I am a night owl. I wonder if I ever will get to bed at a 'decent hour' (as my dad likes to say) in my life. I am up and extremely bored and wish-washy. I don't know what to do about something and it is making me feel really crazy. Tonight was a night when I could have just driven around in my car forever in order not to stay at home. I only circled the huge metropolis that is Brookings twice and then decided to go home. So I have been trying to bore myself to sleep for a while, but I can't do it well enough.

I will speak of my freak IM encounter today. It was a guy my age who was a dad to two kids, divorced- and he seemed alright for the first couple minutes of talking to him. Then he starts talking about how he had a vasectomy. That just blows my mind. I talked about that with a friend later and she didn't find it as shocking. But I asked him how he could do that- what if he met someone who wanted kids later on? I just find that extremely off putting to decide that's it at such a young age. Anyway his talking was getting toward the nasty side so I decide to check out his profile- and a shot of his penis greeted me. That is when I put him on my ignore list. What is it about my profile that attracts so many weirdos? I am tempted to remove my profile from yahoo- but I have met some decent people from it to. So I am torn- I guess I can always weed them out.

My cat scratched me today on the neck. I thought she punctured something because it hurt so bad. So now I look like I was mauled. It wasn't her fault though- she freaked out over something and was trying to make a dash from my arms and my throat just happened to be in the way. I just chased her from me for an hour after it happened. I don't think pointing at the scratch and saying, 'See what you did to me!' got through to her. Oh well!

I had a dream about a baby last night- it was my soon to be born niece. I had to bring her to a day care but to get there I had to traverse a jungle gym kind of thing. So I managed to hand the infant to people on the other side but then I struggled trying to get myself over. It was a very annoying dream- because I was struggling so much. Sorry my dreams are complicated to explain, so you probably are thinking I am a freak. Well, I am.

Tomorrow night is Survivor Night- it is like a date between my mother and me. We watch it together and pick it apart during the commercial breaks. It is a tradition. We have discontinued a lot of holiday traditions but yet we maintain this Survivor one. So be sure if I find it at all interesting there will be comments about the episodes and the contestants. For example if it was last season I would have been bitching about Heidi and Jenna- because they are anorexic whores and I hated them. So yay! So much to look forward to......

This must be a banner week for London scientists- check this article about um- ancient artifacts.

I just thought I would talk about an article I came across today- it is scientific- it is about sleep positions . Alright it isn't too deep! I am a loud and gregarious person according to the article because most of the time I sleep, I free fall on my tummy with my hands by my face. I am one of the rarest sleepers there is according to the survey. You should check it out and see what they say about your sleeping position. I frankly think it is full of shit- but it is good for a laugh.

I love talking about sleeping and dreams. A couple of nights ago I had a dream with tons of little frogs underneath my friend Kathy's bed. It was a weird dream- and I haven't yet looked up the meaning of frogs in a dream dictionary- In fact I think I am going to go and do that-

I tried to look up the meaning of my dream- and I couldn't find anything- other than frogs are a sign of health problems. Well, I guess I got that part going on in my life- it's now 42 days!!!!!! That, and I found out that I have a wart- goo! I have never had one and I get one now! I am dealing with it with medicated patches- and it is weird because I can feel it die. Haha- sorry the absurdity of me discussing this is just kicking in. Well, pray for my finger's quick healing

I'm not used to feeling like the Grinch- but today I am pretty dang close. I am not a person who ordinarily plays with other people's feelings. But I believe that I did something like that recently. All I can say is that I am sorry.

I am having the worst couple of days. I am feeling so alone and it is the worst kind of alone- because for the most part I know that I am isolating myself. I am basically having the poor me kind of day. Right now I don't even feel like I have anyone to call up and whine to- so how am I expressing myself?- that's right I'm talking to a computer. I am too damn old to be acting like a 16 year-old. I feel like a fake and a phony. I just plain feel awful. I was already feeling that way slightly and then I had a bad encounter about an hour ago. It made me look at my actions and so now I am trying to do that. I think that my unconscious thoughts are leading me to treat people badly. And that is probably all I am going to say about that- it may sound like crazy jibberish- and it probably is- but I just typed my feelings.

As a side note to the fact that I am in a dark mood I watched a portion of 'The Whole Wide World' with Vincent D'Offrino and Renee Zellweiger- sorry the spelling is probably terrible. That is another crazy 'love' movie- but I love watching it. The intensity of the kisses is well um-intense. I guess I am just very confused about what is and what isn't love. But I guess that is about everyone on this earth. The best romance movie for me- is 'When Harry Met Sally'. That is what I want- I want friendship, comedy, well I guess I want to be Sally and meet my Harry.

For any of my friends that actually read this- you can contact me and cheer me up anytime.

I become some other person when I am drunk- and it is not good. If you need proof- just look below at the previous entry. I was such a reject last night. Oh well- that's part of who I am- so I'm leaving it on. But the bad side effect of my wild night was the hangover I suffered through all day. I sat on my ass and watched TV pretty much all day- when I wasn't sleeping. I think it was because I had prided myself on never having a hangover anymore- my body wanted to say 'Oh yeah- you think so- not so fast!' I remember thinking to myself last night- Liquor before beer in the clear- Beer before liquor never been sicker- as I started off with beer. I generally don't start with beer- so I feel that the little rhyme is true. I can not do that anymore.

So I got some quality TV watching in today. I watched MTV's Wuthering Heights. I have of course read the book- so I unlike probably many of the viewers was watching it in interest to see how they would update it. I think they did a good job. The intense relationship between Catherine and Heathcliff is always so scary to me. I couldn't imagine loving someone or being obsessed with someone to that degree. There are two main ways to look at that story- the old way of 'how romantic' or the modern way,'what a stalker!'.

And right now I am watching the Joe Schmo show on Spike TV- it is hilarious. It is one of my new favorite shows. It is another reality type show- but this one actually needs writers and actors- everybody should check it out.

This is just outrageous that I am still sick- I am not drinking ever again. Ever.......

Hey! It's me- I'm pretty drunk! Yeah! I am finally at home- I decided to go out by myself tonight- it was fun- I talked to people from my past and had a blast. I am now sitting here waiting for someone to contact me because I am so- what's the word............ oh yeah- horny. I feel like a man when I am so turned on and ready to go. I hate that about me- I get so ready to go easily- well I guess it's not that bad. I just hate feeling like a rage of hormones. It was really fun going out by myself tonight though- I didn't have a friend that didn't want to stay at a place- I could decide by myself if I wanted to stay or not. I got to reminisce with my friend Josh who I met when I was a freshman- he's now homosexual. So unfortunately I wasn't able to get intimate with him. Nevermind anything I say because it is from a drunk mind. I wish that someone was done with some silly game because I would really like to meet him. I am not sure that I will be able to last an hour and a half more.

I walked today- only 3 miles but oh well- I decided that today would be my 'rest' day. I need those every once in a while. I might talk some more tonight- but right now I am going to get off the internet and call someone.

I hate days that are so extremely boring- because I think of the quote 'There are no boring days, just boring people.' I don't want to be boring. I just think I am going through college life withdrawal. I hate living in this town and having such limits on entertainment. I can't sit still lately so that limits my time spent watching TV or movies- so when I am feeling the urge to move I walk outside or I dance in the basement. I need a new hobby- something to keep me busy during the evening. The only way to describe my mindset is that it is like my grandma when she first had her stroke and obtained a Alzheimer like dementia. I took care of her for a month one summer when I was 19 and it was still unclear what had happened to her. She would get up and walk all day. She would always describe herself as 'ansy'. She lost all interest in things that had given her pleasure before- and all that she could think about is walking. That is how I feel today- just TODAY- don't worry about me too much I'm not going crazy.

It was a weird day waking up and finding out that John Ritter had died- I don't know why- but it was just surreal. I just thought not Jack Tripper! Not that I have watched more than 8 episodes in my lifetime of Three's Company, but... I think I thought it was part of a dream- because I was all groggy when I found out. The Johnny Cash death wasn't a surprise to anyone- not that 71 is so old, but he really looked sick. But I have nothing to say other than how boring I am and I shouldn't keep saying that or else you can add whiney to the list.

Fine- I admit it right away I did watch some TV today- but not too much to make me a basket case. I watched about an hour and a half total of stuff about 9/11. And I did cry. Well maybe next year I'll do better...

One thing that I did do a lot of today was walk- or else I may have watched more TV- I went a total of ten and a half miles. I haven't done that since before the wedding and it felt really good. I got home and I took off my shoes and the socks that I wore had thin fabric on the ankles and my shoe sawed through them- and left a hole in the back of my ankles- it was not fun. But I didn't feel the pain while I was walking- so it makes me feel all tough. I am probably just going to do 3 tomorrow because I will be tired- but it was worth it today.

Then I came home and took a bath- did tons of girly stuff- like gave myself a pedicure and put on a face mask. It was heavenly. While I was doing that I watched Chicago and wished that I could truly dance and sing. I just love musicals- it's a good thing I'm not a guy, because they can't fully announce their love unless they are gay. I urge anyone male who hasn't seen it to rent it- there are tons of scantilly clad women in it. It is a wonderful movie- that is why I own it.

But I think I should finally head off to bed- It is about 3 in the morning.

I am not going to watch TV tomorrow- none. I saw a little bit of 9/11 coverage tonight- and I started to cry. That is just who I am- I don't think of all the politicians or what has happened since, or the various conspiracy theories about it- I just see the pictures and I hear the stories and I feel sad. I hate and I love that about myself- I have strong emotions- but I would rather not see the footage and feel nothing. I will probably pray for the families, but I cannot watch any more things on TV than I did tonight. But speaking of the events of that day- not just men but mainly them- make you feel like some weak person for feeling great sorrow for the families and America. That may be the big difference between men and women- I didn't go from sad to mad in five minutes- I am still stuck in sad but not as much as I used to be. I know I already have discussed this, but I am thinking about it again. So anyone reading this forget Bush, forget Osama, and just remember an inspirational story about people helping one another two years ago. And pray for the families that are grieving for lost loved ones.

Today Brookings got some good rain showers- I went on two walks. I got caught out in the rain both times- the first I was slightly damp from- but the last one was a drencher. I was soaked to the skin- with my white shirt plastered to my skin and my black bra- I'm sure that looked nice. I love being out in the rain though- and I only had to walk the equivalent of a mile and half in rain. I probably looked like a drowned rat but I always feel like I look wonderful all soaked. I think I get that from movies- because all the girls always look so fresh when they are in the rain or in a swimming pool. My hair just flattens to my head- and my eyes are just slits because I fear losing a contact.

I have also decided that I need to rein in my going out and drinking- it makes me do very regrettable things. I don't need to go into details- but if you listen to the Christina Aguilera song 'Dirrty'- it has a line that makes me feel very dirty now and every time I hear it I will feel the same way. A couple of drinks is fine- I need to draw the line there though.

Not much news or interesting crap to talk about so I will cut myself off before I start rambling any more than I have.

I had to look at the directions I did last night- and I know they still don't make any sense, but I corrected some of them.

I am on day 35- nothing. I have given up hope by now though. So you may not have to endure the countdown any more.

On to other stuff- I just wanted to share the actions to a current hit song that my niece and I came up with this summer. Everybody should come up with choreography to at least one song- it entertains you and others. Ours is to the number one smash hit- 'Five O'Clock Somewhere' by Alan Jackson and featuring Jimmy Buffet. Yes, yes I know teaching a 6 year-old actions to a drinking song- that's alright though I'm already the black sheep of the family. I'll break it down for you:

We start at the chorus

'Pour me something tall and strong'- start out making a pouring action with one arm (make it dramatic)- then for tall we hold one arm up high with the hand horizontal over our head and the other as low as you can take it- for strong we do the typical muscle man pose with clenched fists and everything- this line goes fast so you have to be on top of your game.

'Make it a Hurricane'- for this we take one arm and raise our hand and stick out our pointer finger and make circles over our heads with the finger pointing towards the sky- warning just one hand for this line!

'Before I go insane'- now this is when it gets tricky- take both arms and raise your hands to the side of your head- point at your head and make circles slightly smaller than you did for the hurricane. Did you get it?

'It's only half past twelve'- for this we again use the reliable pointer finger from one hand and tap it on an invisible watch on the other wrist.

'But I don't care'- for this we do a shrugging motion with our shoulders with our palms of our hands facing up- so you look like a W basically- Sorry it is just too damn complicated to type out

'It's Five O'Clock Somewhere'- this is my niece's favorite part- this is when we put out our hand (just one) to demonstrate five mind you- and clap hands to the beat of the song.

The chorus repeats twice that way but then Jimmy Buffet enters the picture and the chorus is repeated in a tricky manner so you have to be quick and not go to the wrong actions- practice and hey if I see you doing this dance when the song comes on then I will know that you have read these informative directions.


Okay just remembered that I must share the latest dance craze. I also have to exclaim over something I never knew I needed to live until a couple weeks ago. I consider myself to be a girly girl- I do facial masks, and wear make-up, paint my toes and finger nails. I like to think I am up to date on beauty techniques and etc. But now I have something to add to my list of 'where have you been all my life' next to eyebrow waxing and plucking. And it is French manicures. They are wonderful- and for someone like me who has fairly short nails they are a miracle illusion. I love having one so much- my nails- fingers and toes are both oh la la! I have also tried to share the experience with my friends and family- I have already done a friend's twice and tonight I did my mom's nails. I am obsessed, maybe I'll become a manicurist? Haha- I sound so shallow- but oh well!

Not much going on in my life- bored- and I think I have a cold or sinus infection- yuck! But I think that is all I have to say tonight- so practice the actions for the song- and feel free to come up with your own actions!

Day 32- I think I am going through early menopause! I am feeling a little sad and missing my friends. The reality that I won't see them for a long time is finally hitting- a week later. Not that I don't have friends still around, but all my college friends are gone. I went to SF yesterday- for no particular reason. Went to the Arts Festival thing- I don't know when I will finally get excited about the chance to buy tacky things for a house- but I dread the day. I feel like complete shit today, I only slept for about 5 hours. I woke up and I was so thirsty- probably shouldn't have drank two bottles of Arbor Mist and the various drinks after. I am in the go out mode lately though- so I guess I will have to just ride it out. I am grateful to not suffer hangovers anymore, I can drink about anything lately and still be in a fairly good mood and health the next morning.

I have watched three movies within the last 24 hours- I feel like a complete pile. I need to go out and enjoy the warmth before it is gone and take a couple of walks. I thought I had something to talk about, but I can't remember what it was.... maybe I'll remember later.

'How lovely to be a woman the wait was well worthwhile,' I believe that is from a song in Bye Bye Birdie. It is absolute bullshit. I loved life when I wasn't an official woman which for the record started late for me, age 14 I believe. Not that I mind it all the time, but when you just wait and wait for days for the damn thing to arrive it makes any woman insane. The weird thing is that I have nothing to fear from its absence, but your mind works in wonderfully imaginative ways when you wait. This is something I want guys to be appreciative about, they rarely have to suffer through all the waiting, just another example of women suffering for the 'sins' of Eve. Oh well! Not that any person reading this wanted to know about my menstrual cycle, but damn it this is my blog and it's on my mind! I am on 31 days when it is normally 28 or 29. Grrrrrr!

I went to the Bobcat football game tonight- thrilling I tell you. I generally only care for sports if I know people who are in them. I went with my mom and my niece. Tonight was the first game when she has school friends she got to hang out with another girl. It was probably really exciting for her, and scary for me to allow her to go out of my sight. She's not a baby anymore though... although I reminded her to scream and kick and say loud, 'THIS IS NOT MY PARENT- THEY ARE TRYING TO TAKE ME- HELP,' if someone grabbed her. I just couldn't live with myself if anything happened to that little girl. I can't believe she is almost 7.

I have had an experience with a guy on messenger who insulted me to try to engage me in further conversations. I think that is counterproductive- anyone else agree? I makes me grateful for the other nice guys I have talked to, and their understanding about my limits.

On to other things- I am having a love affair these days. But it's not that kind of affair- I just fell back in love with my cat. She missed me horribly when I was gone last week, even though she would never admit to it. Yes, I know sounds like I'm on my way to 'scary cat lady' status- but it's not that bad.

I am sure that I will update in the next couple of days- maybe I will get something interesting to talk about by then. There's always hope.....

It's a little later and I just felt like rambling some more. As I was walking a couple of nights ago I started contemplating my change of attitude when I was in Minnesota this weekend. I felt like a new person despite being in a wedding and all the crap involved with it. It made me start thinking about my relationship with South Dakota. I decided that I have an abusive boyfriend relationship with it. I am sure that I will come up with more examples but here are the couple I thought of:

A. As soon as I get away from the state I feel relief for the first couple of days and I don't think about being there, but after a couple of days I start to miss being home. That is like a girl getting away from her boyfriend and forgetting the abuse. It is like thinking of the blows received as love taps. That is how I get when I am away from SD or at least Brookings.

B. I contemplate moving but then I think about how good my life is economically. That is one of the main reasons that women stay with abusers, fear of economic struggles.

C. I also contemplate moving but then I think about how my family life would be affected. Ditto for the beat down woman.

So basically South Dakota is beating the shit out of me, but I continue to stay. Yes, this is how my mind functions..... I just felt so happy and so lite when I was gone from Thursday to Sunday night. As soon as I got close to SD I felt a wave of dread come over me, the smile that was on my face disappeared. It made me realize that I need to give a different location a try, because obviously 25 years of living in the same town has not made me love it so much that leaving will kill me. Since I enjoyed the hours of the casino/hotel that I stayed at for the wedding, I am contemplating joining my friend Dayna in Vegas. I could get used to people being up all day, especially at 4 in the morning.

I have always loved fall the most out of all the seasons, but this year I am really going to miss the summer. I think as you get older the rituals of getting your new clothes and school supplies is still a fun time, and then you find yourself not doing it. I was gone for four days and I come back and it is already cool when I walk at night. Fall is just coming too fast. Yesterday was a terrible day for me, I am felt like a pile of shit. I had to force myself to walk yesterday and that was just three miles. My day consisted of being a bum like normal, but the crucial element was sitting on my ass and watching television for about 4 hours. I had missed the infamous kiss between Britney and Madonna and so I had to see it. That was probably the only part I had to watch but I continued to watch the whole VMAs. Never again am I sitting on my ass and watching that much television. When I think of how much time I wasted in front of a television set it makes me sick.

I am an emotional and introspective person, I tend to fixate on things to an unhealthy degree when in a certain state of mind. Case in point, the events of September 11th. It is very weird to realize the second 'anniversary' is soon. I hate using the word anniversary. I just remember the mindset I was in last year at the time and I am so grateful I'm not going to feel the same way. I probably went through a whole box of tissues. I wanted to be miserable last year, and this year I want to be happy.

I am reading a book and I throughly enjoyed a little paragraph about people making mixed tapes, so here it goes:

"...You know, how you used to, when you were too young to know who you really were so you'd make tapes for each other, a way of saying, "This is me, this is who I am, this is what I like, and because I like you so much, I want you to like it, too," before you had a job or a car or a flat (set in London) or a history or a proper personality that could say all that for you. So he'd make her endless tapes, spent hours painstakingly picking through his record collection for just the right track, hours recording them onto tapes he bulk-bought from Woolies. And then when he'd handed them to her proudly, wanting her so much to love them, to love his music as much as he loved it. And she had. And that had made him love her even more than he already did..."

That was from Ralph's Party by Lisa Jewell. It isn't that wonderful of a book, but I liked that segment. I miss that about making tapes, you only feel a fraction of the pride and accomplishment when you make CDs. I cherish CDs and tapes I get from people. I would take one over an expensive and thoughtless gift any day. I am going to be one of those mothers that insists that all cards will be handmade for Mother's Day, birthdays, etc.