I have always loved fall the most out of all the seasons, but this year I am really going to miss the summer. I think as you get older the rituals of getting your new clothes and school supplies is still a fun time, and then you find yourself not doing it. I was gone for four days and I come back and it is already cool when I walk at night. Fall is just coming too fast. Yesterday was a terrible day for me, I am felt like a pile of shit. I had to force myself to walk yesterday and that was just three miles. My day consisted of being a bum like normal, but the crucial element was sitting on my ass and watching television for about 4 hours. I had missed the infamous kiss between Britney and Madonna and so I had to see it. That was probably the only part I had to watch but I continued to watch the whole VMAs. Never again am I sitting on my ass and watching that much television. When I think of how much time I wasted in front of a television set it makes me sick.

I am an emotional and introspective person, I tend to fixate on things to an unhealthy degree when in a certain state of mind. Case in point, the events of September 11th. It is very weird to realize the second 'anniversary' is soon. I hate using the word anniversary. I just remember the mindset I was in last year at the time and I am so grateful I'm not going to feel the same way. I probably went through a whole box of tissues. I wanted to be miserable last year, and this year I want to be happy.

I am reading a book and I throughly enjoyed a little paragraph about people making mixed tapes, so here it goes:

"...You know, how you used to, when you were too young to know who you really were so you'd make tapes for each other, a way of saying, "This is me, this is who I am, this is what I like, and because I like you so much, I want you to like it, too," before you had a job or a car or a flat (set in London) or a history or a proper personality that could say all that for you. So he'd make her endless tapes, spent hours painstakingly picking through his record collection for just the right track, hours recording them onto tapes he bulk-bought from Woolies. And then when he'd handed them to her proudly, wanting her so much to love them, to love his music as much as he loved it. And she had. And that had made him love her even more than he already did..."

That was from Ralph's Party by Lisa Jewell. It isn't that wonderful of a book, but I liked that segment. I miss that about making tapes, you only feel a fraction of the pride and accomplishment when you make CDs. I cherish CDs and tapes I get from people. I would take one over an expensive and thoughtless gift any day. I am going to be one of those mothers that insists that all cards will be handmade for Mother's Day, birthdays, etc.