I'm not used to feeling like the Grinch- but today I am pretty dang close. I am not a person who ordinarily plays with other people's feelings. But I believe that I did something like that recently. All I can say is that I am sorry.

I am having the worst couple of days. I am feeling so alone and it is the worst kind of alone- because for the most part I know that I am isolating myself. I am basically having the poor me kind of day. Right now I don't even feel like I have anyone to call up and whine to- so how am I expressing myself?- that's right I'm talking to a computer. I am too damn old to be acting like a 16 year-old. I feel like a fake and a phony. I just plain feel awful. I was already feeling that way slightly and then I had a bad encounter about an hour ago. It made me look at my actions and so now I am trying to do that. I think that my unconscious thoughts are leading me to treat people badly. And that is probably all I am going to say about that- it may sound like crazy jibberish- and it probably is- but I just typed my feelings.

As a side note to the fact that I am in a dark mood I watched a portion of 'The Whole Wide World' with Vincent D'Offrino and Renee Zellweiger- sorry the spelling is probably terrible. That is another crazy 'love' movie- but I love watching it. The intensity of the kisses is well um-intense. I guess I am just very confused about what is and what isn't love. But I guess that is about everyone on this earth. The best romance movie for me- is 'When Harry Met Sally'. That is what I want- I want friendship, comedy, well I guess I want to be Sally and meet my Harry.

For any of my friends that actually read this- you can contact me and cheer me up anytime.