I survived my first day of work- I am in orientation right now- that means going to about four different classrooms during the day- so I got to be in the 2 year-old room, the preschool room (4 & 5), the infant room, and play with the 3 & 4's. So I had fun today- I am looking forward to tomorrow- I get to be in four other rooms. I start on Monday at 9 (with an hour drive). So I was there from 10 until 5:30- tomorrow I am there from 12 till 6.

I headed to the hospital right after I got done with work. My dad was there, along with my sister and my brother-in-law and my older niece. I found them outside in the hallway watching through the glass as my brother-in-law's mother held Samantha. Then my dad held her a second time- and I kept watching through the glass. My poor Taylor- she so badly wants to hold the baby- but she's not old enough to go in. As I was heading to go and scrub up she was starting to cry. My poor baby girl.

So I scrubbed up and donned a gown and got to head in to hold the baby. I am going to include the link to see her- because is doesn't say last names anyway. Here is where you can find Samantha Rose 10-7-03. It could serve as a warning against smoking during pregnancy. I am disgusted with it- I was sick last Saturday when she lite up a total of 7 times in an afternoon. It is hard to talk about because it makes it seem like we encouraged her to do it- but we didn't. My mom and I both talked to her about it when she just learned she was pregnant, and then in her 5th month there was a big blow-out and it seemed like we were cut off from her family. So I didn't want to say anything and jeopardize seeing my nieces. She only talks about the high blood pressure but she knows- she's not stupid- and maybe that is the worst part of it- she is incredibly intelligent. The guilt is doing a pretty good job on her I think, and frankly she deserves it. So right now I am just being there for my sister and her family. If I ever see a pregnant woman smoking- I'm going to smack the cigarette out of her hand- and shove a picture of my niece in her face. It is sad when my older niece who was 5 pounds 8 ounces looks huge in comparison to Samantha. All my babies are going to be given the best chance in life- I owe them that. I have a feeling that I will have big babies- 9 pounders.

Baby Samantha is so tiny- it was very odd holding her- it doesn't seem real still- because she is just so little. I told her that I am her cool young aunt and that I am going to spoil her. She grasped my pinkie pretty strongly, so I take it that as her agreeing with everything I said. She has blonde hair- I thought it was reddish- but it is pretty blonde up close. I had my sister take a polaroid of me holding her- and it just happens to be in the same pose as when I held her sister almost 7 years ago. I came home and got that picture and studied myself- yes now I am turning the conversation into all about me. I had bangs when I was 18, braces, and I hadn't yet discovered waxing eyebrows. For some reason my eyes are all squinty in the older picture- maybe they were weighed down with excess eyebrow hair?? I much more confident then that 18 year-old- and that made me happy.

Damn I really want to talk tonight- last night when I was struggling to fall asleep I decided that the hair had to go. So I am going to get it cut this weekend. I need to find the address of 'Locks of Love' and send my ponytail in so that wigs can be made for children with cancer. I am really going to chop it- because my hair is super fucking long- and kind of weighed down and therefore falling out easily. I want something cute and bouncy. I am getting excited about going out for my friend's birthday on Saturday- I want to dance and have fun.

Big events in women's lives usually leads to dramatic changes in hair or appearance. This week has been a big week.