As I was sitting at my cousin's high school graduation...

I suddenly realizied how I have been out of high school for ten years. What the f#%k! I'm starting to get the panic feeling that I would associate with mid-life. I really hadn't sat down and thought about it, and I wasn't wanting to on Saturday either. To make matters worse I had a chorus of 10, eighteen year olds from a small SD town butchering one of my favorite Rent songs. That wasn't the saddest part of the day...

We celebrated the graduation with family and I didn't get badgered by anyone about lack of relationships. I had the two nieces with and that kept me busy enough to dodge too much attention. After the reception, the family (mom, dad, the nieces) went to see my grandmother at the nursing home. A backstory is that my grandmother has been in a center ever since she had a stroke that caused sudden dementia (actual term is multi-infarct dementia). Right after she suffered her stroke I was getting out of my first year of college and had no job for the summer. It was decided by my family that I could be an assistant to my grandmother at her house. She had no interest in her usual activities anymore, she only wanted to walk. I would have to camp out on the couch by the door in order to wake up when she tried to go outside to walk. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. In fact, I've kind of blocked that time of my life out in my head. After almost a month of me staying with her, and about two months of her staying with one of my uncles it was decided that she was going to have to be put into a nursing home. She has been there for over eight years and sad to say I haven't visited often enough.

We pulled into the building and she was in a wheelchair in the hallway, we got up to her and said hello. Her first words were a very dramatic 'Help Me'. She looked me in the eyes and said it, and I couldn't help bursting into tears. After we got her into her room she kept pleading with me to help her into her bed, where she always wants to be. Her one true moment of clarity was directed at my dad (who is not her son), she said 'Hello Bob.' I know how much it hurts my mom that she didn't say her name at all, but she did say 'I love you' at the end and gave all of us a kiss. Anyway, by the time I got home I was spent.

I have Monday and Tuesday off, and I better accomplish something worthwhile...