My grandma is dying

Nice title huh? But it is the truth- she suffered a stroke in 1998 that left her with multi-infarct dementia ( basically like sudden Alzheimers). I had a great relationship with my grandma until something happened in the family when I was 13 that basically ended our close relationship. Right after she had her stroke she was moved to an assisted living center in Brookings- but she didn't want to be there- she was insistent on returning to Miller (where she lived after my grandfather had died). So the plan for that summer was for me to move to her trailer with her to see how she could function. That was one of the hardest times in my life because my grandmother could not find interest in anything. Nothing was a diversion from the empty part of her mind- I could tell that life didn't mean much anymore. After living with her for a month, my relatives realizied that she wasn't going to be able to live alone. She went to live with my uncle for awhile before they realizied they couldn't care for her anymore. She has been living in a nursing home in Miller since about 1999, and my mom heard from her brothers that grandma has stopped eating and drinking. I went up with her last weekend and in the past she had spoke little, but this visit she said nothing. My mom feels so guilty and I feel so bad for my mom- because in a way all of her family should feel that guilt- but she is the only daughter (enough said!) In many ways I have already grieved my grandmother as she used to be- but it is still hard to let go of my past, my last grandparent. I wrote a paper in February 2000 about my grandmother that I had saved in the pile of papers from college. My mother and I talk to each other every night (yes- I am a mommy's girl) and my grandma sent my mom a letter at least once a week. Long handwritten notes- occasionally typed during the years that my grandmother wrote for the local Miller Press. The paper was supposed to answer the question 'whose diaries would you like to inherit and why?' I actually feel like those letters tell me all I would want to know- as I wrote 'These letters talk about feelings that my grandmother gave outright to my family, rather than hiding them until she died.'

Anyway- life is moving on. Work would be great if it weren't for some of my co-workers. I really need a long vacation from them- not the kids. My sister has a new job and a new show that she is totally in love with thanks to me spreading the Gospel of Gilmore Girls. She is addicted to it since I lent her my DVDs. I am so glad that Rory kicked Logan to the curb- will it stick though? Maybe Jess can comfort her! There is so much pop culture crap that I could talk about however I would like to focus on one of those shows that you don't admit to watching- Flavor of Love. Why any fairly attractive girl would want to even touch him I don't know- but damn it makes awesome trashy TV. If I had to spit on someone it would not have been the huge loogie that Pumkin spat on NY. How does one learn to spit those on people?

Oh one more thing is Project Runway- it is pretty good this season. I have no idea where they find these people but I hope they keep finding these personalities. I keep singing 'Lighten up it's just fashion! " Santino has to be a lead role in sequel to Zoolander- and Tim Gunn of course. 'Where is Andrae?' ---hahahahahaha

I went to The Family Stone and then rented Elizabethtown- I would reccomend the first. Maybe I didn't enjoy Elizabethtown because Jessica Biel is in it? Only for about 3minutes total, but just enough to turn my stomach. You know those people that are so attractive, but there is just some look in their eyes that makes you not like them- well that sums up how I feel about her. That is why I haven't seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre because I would be cheering for the maniacs to get her.

Alright I better get going- ta