Summary of 2003

I thought I would do a review of my last year. I didn't start doing this blog until what August- and yet I have a good amount of entries. The people that read this have no idea what I have done in the last year- hell even my friends don't. Last year at this time I was deeply depressed- and I mean deeply. How can one year seem so long and so short all at the same time. If I had to make a checklist of highs and lows it would include:

*The engagement and marriage of my college friend- it was both high and low. Low because I didn't know what to think about the guy (still don't) and high because I had a great time at the wedding. Low because the wedding party invitation made this depressed body concious girl crazy and sick with dread, high because I really looked great at the wedding and felt great (probably the best three days of this year).

*Finding walking and then losing walking again- I had nothing to do all summer but tan and walk- it was wonderful. Unfortunately when I started my job- my comute and the season change made me stop doing it- which makes me sick thinking about it and flabby because of it.

*Messaging- I went on due to sheer boredom and that night met a really great person- who just happened to be a guy. It was a great couple of months- I felt so happy every time I talked to him- and then we met in person which was so comfortable the first time and so akward the second. I was so devastated when he didn't talk to me. I felt like a fool- a complete idiot. I look back at myself in August and September and I remember typing it, but I really have a hard time recalling the feeling. Life is way too short to just be waiting for someone or something.

*The birth of my niece- she's so cute and a really good baby. I am sure that I can maintain a great relationship with my second niece. I am so grateful that she is healthy and happy- and I just hope that she stays that way- at least until she's a teenager.

*The Iraq War- Depression and major upset in our country did not bode well for me. I just couldn't understand what was happening. One of the worst days of my year was when I was watching the Emmy's and Michael Moore made his speech- at that point I was so confused with emotions that I just lost it- and covered my head and cried. My parent's are pretty staunch Republicans so having my father question the move made me so shaken. And I would like to add that seeing a protest from the 60s on video is quite different than seeing one in modern day on CNN.

*My new job and the move- Thinking that if I had just done what I had planned and 'missed' my interview, what my life would be like now. I spent the majority of last year fooling not only my parents but myself that I was looking for a job. It wasn't because of being lazy, it was about being scared to death of life. I'm a cold feet type of girl- right before something big is going to happen to me- I'm ready to run and frozen in the spotlight at the same time. But it has worked out for me this last year. I've done a lot of things that scared me and I'm still alive.

*Chicago- and all that jazz- This year in entertainment is a highlight- because frankly that is what I am all about. I loved Chicago and Finding Nemo. I liked Love, Actually, and a handful of other movies. I read the Harry Potter book and some chick-lit books this year. I was a TV junkie- with tons of reality shows being my favorite (they always have- I'm a early Real World fan). Survivor was great, so was Amazing Race, and American Idol. But this year featured a lot of flash in the pan shows. I fell in lust with Sex and the City.

*The big 2-5. I am a quarter century old. It was a good birthday though. It was one of the first birthdays since I turned 20 that didn''t involve me crying.

Anyway- I wish you a Happy New Year

Merry Christmas!

I hope that you are all having a wonderful Christmas. I did. I'm at my parent's house and I already had my 'Christmas' at 8:30 PM on Christmas Eve. My family has a wonderful tradition of eating supper, getting bundled up and driving around looking at lights for about an hour while listening to Christmas music, and then heading back to my parents where Santa has already visited and opening our gifts. I got into Brookings at about 11- picked up both of my nieces and spent the day with them. The baby is so sweet- looks a lot like her sister did. She is so cute- and she is starting to smile in response to people (especially me). Babies are a lot of work- but damn I want one. I'm just so good with them, some people are really athletic, some really good with math- me, I entertain and take care of children really well. So I bopped around the house with both my nieces- because Samantha slept a lot I could spend a lot of time with Taylor. Anyway, this year is the last year for the gravy train of presents for my older niece- since the baby is so new she has already gotten a lot of stuff, so it was hard to 'spoil' her, and her sister Taylor had about half the presents under the tree. She is spoiled- rotten- and the sad part is that she is getting more tomorrow at home and at her other side of the family. Anyway- just had to talk about that. It just upsets me because she doesn't ever want to play with anything when she is around me- it just seems like a waste of good toys. Alright- I'll stop.

Anyway I got a good amount of stuff- stuff that you give women who are 25 and single- the 'wedding gifts' kind of stuff. A toaster, a crock pot. It's like they decided that they might as well give it to me now- because I might never get married. I kid....?...... I also got the first two seasons of Sex and the City and the best of Will Ferrell on SNL. I'm sure I got more- just having trouble thinking of what- oh yeah- my parents had already bought me a microwave.

I had to work for 12 hours on Monday- and 11 hours on Tuesday- so I got Wednesday off. Mind you that is working with children for that amount of time- not like sitting on my ass in front of a computer or something like that. So I of course have Christmas Day off- and it will surely be weird tomorrow because I have nothing to do- and I left my cat at home in SF- so I feel guilty and I'm missing her. I am cutting myself off from computer because I am babbling like a brook. I'm sure I'll talk more tomorrow.

The most wonderful time of the year?

Hey back home on a Friday night- listening to my Best of Sheryl Crow and just unwinding from a week of work. I needed to deposit my paycheck- still haven't gotten the paperwork done for electronic payment- so I still have to run up to Brookings and do it. I could pretend that I didn't come home last weekend, but that would make me a liar. I came home on Sunday- I got to see my niece's church Christmas pagent and watched the Survivor finale with my mom. It was a very satisfying finale- I wanted Sandra to win out of the last four. So when I woke up early on Sunday I saw the news about Saddam's capture. It is a little surreal- he just seemed to calm in the videos released. Madeline Albright said my thoughts exactly- she questioned if they(Bush's administration) were going to bring out Osama at the right time (as in for the re-election). I really don't want to believe it- but it is just too weird. Don't get me wrong I'm really glad- because he is a bad man- but anyway....

Another thing that I need to talk about is on World AIDS Day in early December I watched a documentary about the Orphans of AIDS in Africa. It was the saddest thing I have seen in a long time- I just couldn't stop- it makes you feel so helpless to see these young children go through the deaths of both parents and be all alone- because their grandparents are dead- their aunts and uncles are dead or dying- and most of their neighbors are in the same boat. It really is a terrible epidemic- and I have no idea how it can be stopped, and what I can do to help....

Anyway I came up to Brookings tonight not only to drop off my check, but I was going to go to a movie with my friend. But she just called me and cancelled- so now I have to find something to occupy my time. I could clean my parent's house- that is the good thing about living by myself- I like to have everything in order and luckily I don't have anyone else making a mess- just me and my cat. Sorry I have to go and curl into a ball and weep for my lonely cat loving self... maybe I'll chat more tomorrow

Back home again- not because I'm so lonely by myself- but I came up for my niece's birthday. My little baby is seven years old. Oh damn I'm old. So I'm back- I might try to make it a whole two weeks before I come back to Brookings. I am going to have to get used to being on my own. You know that's true when you come home-home and find you and your siblings names missing from the welcome sign outside the front door. Doesn't it make you all warm inside- as soon as the last one is out of the house they are trying to erase all evidence that we lived there.

Anyway- I got to see the baby and my big birthday girl. The baby is over six pounds now- so basically she's like a two-month old newborn. I'm glad that my biological clock isn't too loud right now- because I couldn't handle that for at least another couple of years. Well I probably could more than most people I know- but I don't want to. I wouldn't mind the whole husband thing first though.

I was looking through the old papers that my parents saved for me and came across an article that made me feel so much anger and disgust. A man raped his girlfriend and then made her watch him rape her 11-year-old daughter. He got life for being a habitual offender but was declaring cruel and unusual. The article was fairly graphic in describing what occurred- and it just makes me mad- mad at everyone even the victim/girlfriend. Why do women put themselves in that situation- and why do they put their kids in them? I really don't know what should be done to these monsters- but no more slapping them on the wrists and giving them chance after chance. I pray for that little girl who lost her innocence too early- it's not easy dealing with that ever but especially when you are a child.

So I'm going to head home here soon- because it is damn cold out tonight. My brother is coming up to stay over at my place. He'll probably just come over and watch the different cable channels that I have and eat all my food- but oh well!